Firsts

I'm not usually one for anniversaries or marking time.  But since the great Bell's Palsy debacle began three weeks ago, there are a number of firsts I've noted.  Many of them have been awful, sobering, and humbling.  The ones I am going to share here are more encouraging.

The major first:  

Sunday, for the first time in three weeks, I was able to close my right eye just a bit--a modicum more than I've been able.  I swear I was paying attention in Sunday School (Romans 3:23 and the Romans Road were our topic), but I blinked. And my right eye moved.  I nudged hubby, pointed to my eye, and did my best to squeeze it shut. I couldn't tell for sure that I had blinked a smidgeon.  He confirmed that it had.  

That, folks, is progress that I have not expected.  I am not a pessimist.  But really, the medical profession's prediction that Bell's Palsy will resolve between two weeks and never is entirely unhelpful.  I have seen no reason to get too excited about any prospects, and have found people's healing stories unhelpful even when they are meant to be encouraging. 

I also have a deep suspicion of medical knowledge for reasons good and bad.  

Good: Nearly 10 years ago, a dear family member was on hospice; all of the chemo and treatment intended to "save" him was killing him.  He and his family made the choice to let go and let God.  Hubby and I rushed west to say goodbye.  

I am thrilled to say that this person will be coming to visit over the New Year, and that by God's grace his cancer "went away" --aka was healed--without the medically-prescribed "cure." 

Bad: In the mid-1990s, another close family member began to have terrible health problems which were first diagnosed as mono and then, finally, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  This name that does not begin to describe the debilitating physical, emotional, and economic toll that comes with it (or related little-understood chronic diseases).  This family member was told she'd be well and cured within five years.  Nearly 30 years later she--and we--are still waiting.

For these reasons, I take timelines and predictions and "expertise" with a grain of salt, because all bodies are different and God is God.  Any progress my face or body is making is due to Him (and the innumerable prayer warriors that I am blessed to have in my life). 

Less major, but still important firsts:

Two days ago, I slept the night through for the first time in three weeks. Alas, that seems to be a flash-in-the-pan, and that matters for the rest of my body and healing.  Nonetheless, every little bit helps, especially regarding emotional health and perspective.  It's easier not to despair when one is well-rested.

Yesterday I arrived at school at 7:30 and stayed until 4 pm.  I had five meetings and taught two classes.  This is the first day I've worked that long (or hard) in three weeks.  I definitely availed myself of the department lounge's couch after my first class.  When I got home, I did not bother to change clothes and headed straight for the basement in my monochrome, confining, and un-stretchy monochrome lace dress and snuggled in for some Midsomer Murders.  But I was able to work, be productive, and be human(e), and my jaw did not hurt nearly like it has been.  Win!

 This morning, for the first time since Bell's + COVID + epic steroid drama, I was able to treadmill.  It was slow, and certainly not my usual cardio-driven stress-relief pace, but I did it 

I've enjoyed documenting this list of firsts.  I think doing this has moved my realism/pragmatism a bit toward optimism: some day, I may be able to write a post that documents Bell's Palsy-related "lasts."